Exiled on Purpose

Ahhh Cleveland 2007. What a great time to be an Ohio Native. The Browns have finally worked their way back to respectability behind the arm of young budding stars Derek Anderson, Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow. The Indians reach the playoffs behind a young talented nucleus of young pitchers C.C. Sabathia, Cliff Lee and Faustio Carmona. Most importantly the Cavaliers have resigned the next greatest basketball player, Lebron James, to a multi-year contract meaning that the Cavs will be known as a contender for the forseeable future. The hope is eternal, trees grow leaves in February, all is right in the universe for the first time in the history of Cleveland professional sports. Cleveland is relevant!

Fastforward to Cleveland 2009.

Depression is the only substitute for suicide in Cleveland. Over the past two seasons Cleveland has dealt away or destroyed their nucleus of young pitchers, trading Cy Young Award Winners C.C. Sabathia and Cliff Lee at the trade deadline in consecutive seasons. Meanwhile Faustio Carmona's big league pulse has almost completely flatlined. The Cavaliers have not been able to get over the hump and into the NBA Finals over the past two seasons so have brought in aging superstar Shaquille O'Neal to give it one last effort in what could very well be Lebron James's last year in a Cavalier uniform. And on top of it all the Browns have miraculously downgraded from a young football team on the verge of breaking out to purely a crappy team. The hope is gone, trees don't grow leaves in June, all is normal in the universe for the 7 billionth time in the history of Cleveland professional sports. Cleveland is irrelevant... again.

As seen above Cleveland has basically had their butts kicked over the past two years. Any sports fan who is not a complete frontrunner or a douchebag has to have the smallest amount of sympathy for a team that has been so heavily screwed by a combination of poor management decisions, crappy coaching and in the case of Lebron, not being New York or L.A. The only thing that Clevelandians, Clevelandites or Cleves have to hope for is that Lebron somehow decides to stick with his Ohio roots and resign with the Cavs after this season, almost guaranteeing that he will be in Cleveland for life. This would be the only way a Cleveland fan could take the past two seasons and not look back at it all as both an epic failure and a complete waste of time, money, energy and hope.

Then Braylon Edwards decides that he's gonna try to screw it all up.

As you may have heard by now Braylon Edwards, yes the Braylon Edwards superstar receiver for the 0-4 Cleveland Browns, decided to get in an altercation with a friend/promotor for Lebron James. Based on the quotes provided by Lebron, who was not present at the time, Edwards (6'3" 215lbs) took a swing at Lebron's friend Edward Givens (130lbs). Without much knowledge of the situation, we still have to assume one thing... Braylon is a tool. The altercation supposedly arose out of an argument between the two men, but it should have never excalated. In a normal situation, Braylon should have and probably would have never ever swung at the other guy. On top of it all, now he has to answer to King James and pray to God that this doesn't end Biggy and Tupac style. Lebron is gunning for Braylon, Braylon is an idiot.

Or maybe he is a genius...

After showing that he is disgruntled and making it known that he wanted to be traded all off-season, Cleveland held onto him based on the fact that talented young game-breaking receivers are not found on every street corner. On top of this they traded their only other explosive offensive player, Kellen Winslow, to Tampa Bay, making Edwards that much more valuable to the teams offensive plans. Braylon found himself stuck in Dog Pound Hell. He tried many other ways to get out of the situation from a 120 mph speeding ticket to letting more balls slip through his hand than Jenna Jameson over her career.

Stuck and desperate for a way out he researched any possibility for an escape from NF Hell.

The only answer came in the form of Lebron. As seen above, Cleveland has been screwed over exponentially for the past two seasons, and the only good thing their fans have to look forward to is Lebron MAYBE resigning with the Cavs and finishing out his career off the shores of Lake Erie. Cleveland will protect this hope by any means possible. This means that if Braylon can find a way to piss off Lebron, he may be shipped out of Cleveland faster than he could imagine. The mayor would pretty much demand that Braylon be exiled if an incident like this ever came to fruition.

The only thing left to do was to weigh the options of an assault charge + being a star in another NFL city to no assault charge + being a forgotten player in Cleveland. Braylon Edwards choose to risk Lebron leaving Cleveland or himself being Exiled.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I WOULD LIKE TO WELCOME TO THE 3-1 NEW YORK JETS, THEIR NEWEST ADDITION, RECEIVER BRAYLON EDWARDS.

They say that most people who are geniuses are considered idiots by the people of their time. I would just like to be the one person that did not overlook the geniusness in Braylon Edwards actions. If hitting the guy meant getting out of a Cleveland Browns jersey, I would have hit him too.