Phelps and Cynics

First of all, I'm going to go ahead and start typing Occasional Joo again because I just realized that if we start abbreviating our names then I become BJ. Due to the possibility that I woud be known as an oral pleasure, I will allow the Occasional Joo to have his full name back (He still has aids though).

Anyways as you may have heard, the ladies are back from Vegas and still party like a bunch of high school kids, but I guess some people just never learn. However, during their self-proclaimed vacation of debauchery I hope that they were able to catch some stories about how global domination is in the hands of one American. That man is Michael Phelps.

(Something for the Joo to beat it to)

Okay, I know that no one really gives a shit about swimming, but this level of domination has been absolutely unheard of. At the World Championships in Melbourne this past week, Phelps swam seven events and he didn't just win gold in all of them but set world records in five of them. His closest competition the entire week was from Americans Ryan Lochte in the IM events and Ian Crocker in the butterfly events. Crocker, the current world record holder in the 100 fly, was caught by Phelps on the finish and was noticably upset with the result. I personally feel as though Crocker is a more bitter version of Scottie Pippen to Phelps' Michael Jordan. On the next day of competition, Phelps had the opportunity to win an unprecedented eighth gold medal and attempt to set his 6th world record had the U.S. not been disqualified for a false start in the preliminaries of the 400 Medley Relay. The name of the swimmer who false started? You guessed it, Ian Crocker. This is where the controversy begins.

Phelps had the chance to make history, he would have taken Crocker's spot in the butterfly leg of the Medley Relay in the finals, but Crocker dq's in prelims? It may just be me but maybe there is something to the thought of Crocker being upset about the fact that Phelps has stolen all of his thunder, has become the golden boy of swimming and is starting to dominate him in his best event. Maybe Crocker is tired of hearing about the possibility of Michael Phelps breaking Mark Spitz's record for Gold Medals won during a single Olympics. Maybe this was a warning of whats going to happen in Beijing if he beats him in the 100 fly there. Hell, maybe Crocker was just jealous that Phelps is getting as much hot female swimmer Amanda Beard quality ass as he possibly can get while Crocker gets stuck with the left over swim chicks who bench more than Brady Quinn and have beards. Or maybe, he just made a little mistake.

(This is why Ian Crocker hates Michael Phelps)

The fact is that Crocker jumped the gun only .04 seconds before Scott Usher touched in breaststroke. Now, I know that I could not make myself false start by only .04 seconds, then again I dont practice for 5 hours everyday. I also know that in relays swimmers are supposed to push their starts to the point of false starting without actually leaving before the touch, so it may just be a case of bad timing. Then again maybe Crocker just decided to start a little bit earlier this time.

Now, if anyone who has read this actually believes that Crocker may have false started on purpose, I would like to say you are an ignorant asshole and a gullible bastard. Of course Ian Crocker is a little bitter about losing the 100 Fly, he is the world record holder and was ahead of everyone the entire race until he was caught by due to a bad finish. Was his bitterness directed at Phelps, absolutely not, remember Phelps gave up his spot in the 400 Medley Relay to Crocker at the Athens Olympics so that Crocker could receive a gold medal as well. On top of that, the U.S. was the top seed heading into the relay this past weekend and were virtually assured of a gold medal. Tell me, would you false start and give up a gold medal just so you could prevent someone else from winning one?

This just proves that the world is full of cynical assholes who want to put controversy in place of mistakes and overshadow greatness with accusations of cheating. I'm sure someone has thought that Phelps has to be on (insert illegal supplement here), or has thought that he has an unfair advantage in one way or another. To those people I would like to issue a giant Fuck You, you dont even like sports so stop acting like you do. If you can not accept the fact that someone can achieve a great feat without being a negative asshole then stop watching sports because you are not a fan. Here at THHY we are fans, the Gus Johnson to your Billy Packer.

Now I'm going to end this by switching to hoops for a little bit. I hope you get a chance to enjoy witnessing greatness on Monday when Florida faces Ohio State for the NCAA Championship. We will see either a giant, Greg Oden, win a championship or see the Florida Gators repeat as National Championships. But you probably think that all basketball players are on steroids anyways.

Taking Back The Blog

Well, we're back. And Vegas is absolutely batshit crazy. You can walk in a Walgreen's, get some snacks, some condoms, a stupid ass Las Vegas shirt, and best of all, a 24oz big boy can of Bud Light for $2 plus tax. Then you can carry that beer outside, throw away the brown paper bag and drink it until your heart's content. Better yet, you can take it into any bar, casino or sports book. So if your watching the Lakers and the Warriors, praying that they hit the under at 224.5, and you don't feel like paying $6 plus tip for a 12oz bottle at the MGM Grand... well then sir you take a two minute walk across the street, buy 4 big boys, and bring them right back in with you. Or you could go to O'Sheas and order $1 High Life drafts and top 'em off with the $2 "Cabo Wabo" shots - they even salt the rim of the shot glass for you. Not that I believe they were really Cabo, but I digress. I'm getting ahead of myself here. I plan on posting a huge recap of all things Vegas, but not yet.

Right now, it seems that BJ decided to be a little punk bitch and take some potshots while we were gone so I guess I have to take care of that first. So without further ado, I present to you:

TONY ROMO - PRO BOWL QUARTERBACK

Suck on that asshole.

Dirty Dungy

Sometimes in life you find out things that you really didn't want to know. First it was when I found out that Santa was a fake (way to ruin all my dreams mom and dad look at where I am now a 21 year old lifeguard who posts random thoughts about sports on a website, its all your fault). Second was when Michael Irvin got caught with cocaine, I mean seriously who saw that coming. Thirdly and most importantly was when I realized that all Eagles fans are actually flaming homosexuals and HUGE John Amaechi fans (Actually I knew that last one my whole life, Troy Aikman told me that while he was busy winning three of our 5 Super Bowls, Randall Cunningham was busy making sweet man love with Ron Jaworski). However, the best discovery of the past week was when we found out that Tony Dungy, the NFL's Model Citizen, turned out to be a big Tim Hardaway Fan.

Thats right Tony Dungy, the coach who doesn't curse, doesn't like gays. Dont believe me? Check it out. http://withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=2414

Although his quote does not directly say that he hates gays or is homophobic, he clearly feels self-righteous about his beliefs and is against the thought of gay marriage.

Here at THHY, we would like to make it known that we completely support Dungy and his anti-gay marriage philosophy. Now I dont have anything against gay relationships, OJ and Shawn Mc have had one for a long time, but the main reason I am against gay marriage is because of the tax-breaks they would receive. Those tax-breaks are there to benefit married couples who are starting a family and need money to help raise children, not for the couples who lack the scientific ability to reproduce. For you cynics out there, it is nearly impossible for John Amaechis to adopt because of the screwed up situation the child would be placed in, that is unless your rich gays.

Okay although I realize that I have completely bashed gays there, I do want throw out my support for real lesbians. I'm not talking about the 6'5" female basketball player lesbians that Pokey "Sticky Fingers" Chatman likes to recruit. I'm talking about the lesbians that we've dreamed about since puberty. If I ever meet a couple of real lesbians who are around 5'6" 115 lbs and gorgeous, I will argue to death about their rights to adopt and be married. As long as I get to watch the honeymoon!

Speaking of that, I thought college was supposed to be my prime chance to meet hot lesbians. Man was I wrong, real lesbians are the Santa's of the grown man. Your friends tell you stories about seeing them but you haven't yet. You keep holding out for your chance but it never comes. Then one day, you may be watching sports center or looking up porn when your girlfriend/hook-up buddy comes up to you and informs you that Real Lesbians don't exist. Nothing is more depressing than that moment, everything you've thought of and worked towards since being a 12 year old boy is gone. Now the only chance you'll ever get to seeing lesbians hook up is at a Girls Rugby Team party, but those aren't real lesbians.

Hey, there's always hope of a three-some though!

Finally, I don't want to come off like Bill Simmons here and spend the entire back end of my post telling you about other things on the internet, but heres a couple things that I found worth wasting some time.

If you ever wondered what a Star Wars Rap would look and sound like, here you go. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8s7PIGVZow

Oh and in case you wondered what instigated the Levi Jones-Joey Porter love-fight check this one out http://www.themightymjd.com/2007/03/20/joey-porterlevi-jones-fight-the-transcript/

Thats all I have for now, enjoy and if your gay dont even think about getting married!

Florida, Gilbert, Kobe and More

Okay so I realize that I am officially a giant vagina for not going out to Vegas this weekend with the Occasional Joo and Shawn Mc, but if I left then no one would be here to rant. Therefore I gave up a week of Vegas for you, I gave up a week of Gambling and Prostitutes for you, be grateful you little pricks. By the way I also gave up Vegas because I'm poor. By the way I'm tired of typing Occasional Joo, I'm just going to call him OJ because they both probably have aids and are killers. Anyways this was a pretty cool weekend of hoops, between Kobe and the Tourney I cant be disappointed. So on with the Post!

First off let me say that I actually didn't eat complete shit with my bracket, I picked 3 of the 4 final four teams only missing out on those John Amaechi loving homos from Texas A&M. Seriously the only reason you went to A&M is because UT didn't recruit you (For the record, apparently this sight has a horrible man-crush on A&M considering that all of us had them in the Final Four and OJ was dumb enough to pick them to win it all). This past weekend proved that Florida is easily the best team in college hoops. Oregon was double and triple teaming Noah and Horford all day and all they did was dish it out to Taurean Green and Lee Humphreys to drain it from the outside or give it up to Corey Brewer so he could dunk over a midget. If you play man on them then they will penetrate all day and dominate you, if you play zone then they will hit it from outside all day, there is no beating them. Ohio State looks good but I think they will have trouble against teams that have the size to match up with them, Georgetown and Florida come to mind. UCLA is easily the blacksheep of the group and although I like them I dont think they're going to make it past Florida.

The UNC-Georgetown game proved my drunk rant to be correct. Do not bet on teams that rely heavily on their white players. Tyler Hansbrough was good in the beginning scoring ten points in the first 5 minutes, but he dissapeared when it mattered scoring only two points in the final ten minutes. No I dont blame him, I blame Roy Williams. When your up by ten with 8 minutes to go a good idea would be to work the clock, pound it inside and let your big man do the work. Especially since your best player Hansbrough is a 76% foul shooter, which is not too shabby. You know what, maybe Williams pulled the Rick Barnes approach and made sure they didn't win in order to try to convince his studs to stick around until they win a National Championship.

Skipping forward to the NBA, Kobe Bryant has officially proved that he is by far the best player in the league. Four straight games of 50 points or more and the best part about it is it was for the good of the team. The Lakers went 4-0 over that stretch so for those of you thinking ball-hog or team killer, go to hell because you do not know anything about hoops. Now I can understand people not liking the guy, but you can't say that anyone is a better player than this guy. Now if Kobe had the crazy personality of Gilbert Arenas we would have the most entertaining player in the league.

On to Agent Zero, Gilbert Arenas is the best thing that has happened to the NBA in a long time. I think that its ridiculous that he was reprimanded by the league for making stupid little bets with fans about hitting a game-winning shot. Whats wrong with making a stupid $10 dollar bet with a fan who may have otherwise lost interest in the game or left early, both of which have become trends at sporting events lately. On top of that, what if it was a casual fan who attends one or two games a season? You seriously dont think that this fan will start going to almost every game he possibly can if he knows that Gilbert is playing.

Also, Screw the Commisioner. David Stern is KILLING basketball. The NBA is missing the fun factor that made all of us fans to begin with. Players now get a technical for showing any emotion on the court, you can't celebrate a dunk or complain about a bad call without your team giving up possession and a foul shot. This would be the equivalent of giving a penalty to a football player for excessive celebration when he flips into the endzone, oh wait they do that now. Damn. I propose giving technical fouls only when celebration is clearly ill-advised, such as a huge dunk when your down by 30 or when the other team starts getting into a fight with your home fans. Otherwise, let the taunting begin.

When I play a game of basketball or even beer pong with my friends I talk so much shit when I'm winning. Hell I talk shit when I'm losing, I never stop talking shit. If I were in the NBA I would get fined 3 or 4 times a week. The shit-talking goes both ways too, kind of like OJ's Mom, if my athletically challenged friends somehow beat me in anything that involves competition then I expect them to talk as much shit to me as possible. During this time, I will defiantly stand by the fact that they cheated in some fashion. In short, hopefully Gilbert will be the guy who brings emotion back into the game and makes it entertaining again, not just for the players but for the fans.

Vegas, Baby.... Vegas

I am so money baby. In 12 hours, I'll be on a plane to Vegas. For a week. With Shawn Mc and two of our friends. Who are both insane and will probably get us all killed. Hopefully I'll run into Joey Porter playing blackjack and take his 10 card - I could use a piece of that $20 mil guaranteed after he powerbombs me through the table. So neither of us will be posting until next weekend (and yeah I know that Shawn Mc hasn't posted yet - we're gonna put him in a sharpshooter if he doesn't soon). We'll have a huge recap of everything that happened. Until then, my colleague Black Jesus has some big things planned as he runs this place by himself for a week (God help us all), so check back for more of his socially-conscious, introspective, and thought-provoking pieces until we get back.

As a quick aside, I love the new firefox. Halfway through writing this, my power went out and I cursed up a storm thinking I lost all of it. Well when I restarted and opened firefox to start over, it told me that it would recover my last session, and there I was staring at everything I had just typed, as well as the four or five other tabs I had open. That's fucking incredible and it might have saved an innocent man's life.

OK, back to the real point of the post. I clearly don't know anything as A & M lost to Memphis last night. Fucking MEMPHIS?!?! Someone tell me who the fuck Memphis is. Unfortunately, I think Florida is gonna roll tonight and Vandy might play G'Town close, but lose in the end. Of course that probably means Florida will get blown out, and Vandy won't even show up, but whatever. You're not better than me. I've heard a lot of USC upset talk, but I don't buy it. Hansbrough and Wright are just too much inside, even with Reyshawn Terry's strep throat. And really, what the fuck is up with that name? Could his parents not decide between Ray and Shawn and just decide to combine them? Seriously, I know people's names are getting more and more retarded all the time, but it's getting old. Give your kid a real name - shoving two different names together is not fucking creative.

I wanted to say more, but I can't even think straight knowing that I'll be in Vegas in less than a day. The debauchery is already clouding my brain. The little bunnies are just sitting there waiting, afraid, timid. And I'm a big fucking bear with big fucking claws and teeth. Its gonna be a loooong week.

Why I Love Steroids

So I decided that I might try to post something a little more grammatically correct since my BAC has finally dropped down below the legal limit. Now in this new found state of sobriety, I am saddened to hear that steroids have tainted the one sport which I firmly believed they would not be able to affect. That is the wonderful world of professional wrestling, the WWE.

Thats right, STEROIDS is prevalent in professional wrestling.

Okay so maybe no one is actually surprised by this, but isn't wrestling fake? Does taking steroids boost your chances of winning a rigged fight? No wonder these guys are professional wrestlers. I mean how many steel chairs, bats, ladders (0r park and ride signs) to the head does it take for someone to believe that taking steroids will boost your chances of winning a match that you and your opponent/dancing partner have rehearsed numerous times.

This has earned all of them a call-out. I'm calling out Kurt Angle, Rey Mysterio (Oscar Guttierez he is not), Randy Orton, Edge, Shane Helms and the deceased Eddie Guererro. You are all a bunch of retards, congratulations on attempting to cheat in a sport where performance enhancers dont help you. I now consider all of you part of the John Amaechi fan club you big group of gays, go practice your routine with your dancing partner then go ahead and share the needles you inject into each others butts. I sincerely hope you enjoy aids and your new man boobs. LONG LIVE SHAWN MICHAELS.

Why do I always sound angry? Because people are stupid.

Quick Phillies Rant

Last year, the Phils traded Rheal Cormier for Justin Germano, a young pitcher with some potential. Today, in true Phillies fashion, we placed him on waivers, letting the Padres scoop him up. Now, he was no staff ace, no unhittable machine. And granted, I would rather have my grandmother running the team then Ed Wade, but we are becoming notorious for being on the wrong end of deals and it hasn't stopped with Pat Gillick. He didn't negotiate the Burrell deal that is currently crippling us, but he did give away Vicente Padilla, Cormier, and even Bobby Abreu for either prospects or minor leaguers who will not help the big league team. This is ridiculous for a team that is in contention for the playoffs and needs severe bullpen help. It just makes me sick that instead of trying a promising guy in a weak area for our team, we're content to just give them away and try to patch things up with has beens and never will bes.

Weekend Recap

Ok, so Texas lost to USC. Hardly consolation for last year's Rose Bowl, so you Trojan fans can still sit and spin. Kevin Durant was still incredible (30 of UT's 68 points, plus 9 boards) and AJ Abrams had 20. DJ Augustin only had 6, and unfortunately he never horribly mutilated a knee on one of his bullshit out of control drives to the hoop that end with him getting blocked to the court. Asshole.

Anyway, Jimmie Johnson won again too. What a horrible day. He forced Tony Stewart into the wall with about 3 laps to go, ensuring a win. No way was Tony catching back up after bouncing his front fender off that concrete. Now I'm no Smoke apologist - a well aimed cruise missile at the front of that pack would have made me much happier than either of those two arrogant fucks winning, but oh well. And by the way, what's up with no one having any love for the man in the Jack car, #07 Clint Bowyer? He's had two 6 places, and would be much higher than 9th in the points if he didn't crash out of his top 10 place in Vegas a few weeks ago with less than 30 laps to go. He's looking like a dark horse not to just make the Chase, but contend for a top spot. Someone needs to give this guy a little love.

Let me get back to the tournament for a second. No team looks safe. I know everyone is sucking Kansas' collective dick, but they played Kentucky, easily the worst team any of the 1 seeds played in the second round. And they're in a region where all top 4 seeds have advanced. So if they beat the Saluki's, which is by far no lock, they get either Pitt or UCLA. I have UCLA over Va-Tech personally, so clearly I'm a jackass, but still - I stand by the Bruins.



Florida never seemed to really get it together against Butler. Sure they pulled out the win, but they all look like they are looking forward to taking a break, putting on their dresses (Joakhim Noah) and sitting back fucking sorority girls until draft time. Oregon takes them out.

UNC has never really looked like a 1 seed to me. But, I had them taking out GT so I'm sticking with it. They don't have a chance of winning it all though, no matter who else they play.

Ohio State should get by Tennessee with minimal trouble, but then lose to eventually tourney champ A&M. And it kills me to say that. I HATE A&M. I do. And I hope Acie Law IV tears every ligament in both knees after falling off the ladder while trying to cut down the net during 'One Shining Moment.' Only a prick would spell his name Acie, and only a prick would put Law IV on his jersey. Fuck you, theres no other Law on your team, drop the pretentious number.

So other then the Celtics getting fined and Kobe dropping 115 in two games, nothing much seemed to happen in the NBA this weekend. That leaves the clear highlight of this weekend the 18 hour debauchery that was Saturday. The tournament breaks until Thursday, but we'll be back before that to share our insight and knowledge with you lucky readers. After all, the words on this page are scripture. Except for any negative comments, those are blaspemy.

Drunk Tonight

So tonight started off fairly well, hooked up with a girl for a lil bit, rounded second base then got cut off, shit happens. Okay so now I feel like posting some shit about basketball while the Occasional Jew and Shawn Mc argue about nascar, what the fuck.

Anyways, my bracket kinda sucks now due to the occasional upset or 3 so fuck brackets, but I seriously would like to say that the Big Ten is the largest piece of shit conference in the world, fuck 'Zona for losing to Purdue, I hope Chase Buddinger comes out of the fucking closet and lets everyone know that he blew the game for coke. Most importantly though, fuck Illinois for losing to V-Tech, and fuck Bruce Weber for being an absolutely horrible coach. Seriously how do you blow such a huge lead that late in the game (They were up by 12 with 8 minutes to go)? Wasn't he in the Championship Game a couple years ago (Probably due to the fact that he inherited a team recruited by Bill Self)? I think he needs to start recruiting from Indiana instead of Illinois more than Coach K needs to start recruiting black players.

Now getting started on Duke, they lost to a team out of the CAA, so what if VCU plays full court press the whole game and just jacks up 3's to go along with the occasional hard foul on Greg Paulus, who prolly should have taken his football scholarship instead. It seemed as though playing like a bunch of gays was apparently too much for the school that loves to rape bitches. Coach K should start recruiting blathletes again too. I mean it doesn't take much more than a dumbass to realize that only their black players make it in the NBA, I mean look at Christian Laettner and Bobby Hurley and compare them to Grant Hill, although Grant Hill has proven himself to be soft and fragile, he would still be the best pick over those other douchebags.

So my picks for the final four are Florida, Texas A&M, Georgetown, and UCLA, why because they dont rely on their white players and they play like a group of John Amaechi's boyfriends. Anyways we we will see how everything goes, no one can predict this stuff anyways. I'm drunk and I'm gonna pass out now, shit I might puke.

*After realizing that I was really drunk last night when I wrote this, I had to revise this a little bit

Intro to THHY

I'm drunk. I thought that would be a good way to kick off our blog, because most of our posts will be made under less than ideal conditions. We're gonna talk about sports mostly, and anything else we feel like ranting about like Bill Simmon's wife does. Anyway, it's gonna be me, Black Jesus and Shawn Mc on here for now. We might add some authors, we might not. Who the fuck knows? We wanted to get set up before the tournament but we got too drunk this last week. We'll be back tomorrow with our analysis.