Ridin' the Deuce Three: The Sexy Post

• OK, now it's time for the sexy stories. The above banner was plastered all over our hotel; you couldn't turn your head without seeing it at least twice. They also had several 40+ ft screens around the hotel that featured a commercial about it on a loop. Now, if you couldn't figure it out by the picture alone, Fantasy was the revue that is performed at the Luxor. Well, by the end of the week, we were intrigued. And not intrigued like mildly interested, intrigued like we had the song memorized and if we didn't see the show, it would drive us crazy that we never saw it. So, we bought tickets and ended up in the sixth row - not too bad. We had the perfect view of titties. The show was terrible; there was some singer chick trying to make it big by covering crappy songs like "Black Velvet" and interacting with the crowd. And she would wear all the same outfits as the girls who got topless, but her top would never come off. Like she was too good or something. Bitch, you're still in a thong showing off your ass, make with the tits already! Also, there was this horrible black comedian that dressed up like Michael Jackson and Sammy Davis Jr. Unfortunately, his whole act revolved around saying "this guys gonna get fucking laid tonight, fuck yeah!" Lame. So, overall the show was mostly a bust, but those chicks were hot, and they had hot busts. That was cool at least.

• After the show, we went back to our room to chill out for awhile. Dennis and Steveo had gone to O'Shea's and gotten drunk. I ended up passing out for two hours, and waking up to an empty room. So I went downstairs and drank and gambled. Therefore, this story does not come from a first hand account. But I've heard enough of it from enough people to know that I've got it pretty straight. Everyone ended up at O'Shea's, doing tequila shots and drinking dollar drafts. Dennis met some creepy guy who offered to shuttle them off to Treasure's (a tit club) and give them free admission and drinks. So, despite the creepiness, everyone decides to go. The place ends up being pretty empty, so they have a lot of whores paying attention to them. Dennis tells a few of them that he is a backup QB for Florida State. (Further proof that all cunts are brain dead - there's no way in hell Dennis could be a back up kicker, let alone a quarterback.) One girl took a liking to him and sat on his lap for at least an hour, until Shawn accidentally dropped his real name, angering the stripper, who then proceeded to storm off. Did she think he was gonna be the foster dad to her kids or something? She's a fucking stripper, what does she care if some guy doesn't give her a real name? It's not like her name is really Chastity. Anyway, the real story revolves around Steveo. The guy is really attached to his girlfriend. She's calling us at 7 am Vegas time, texting back and forth all day, he won't get a mohawk or tattoo because she'd be mad, DEFINITELY won't go see tits because she'd be mad. (To drive this point home, I told him when we got back to the airport that he should get a hold of his girl and take control of his relationship. She simply laughed and told me she thought it was "cute and funny when he tries to put his foot down." Ouch.) Well, apparently they got into a fight and Steve got plastered at O'Sheas. So they go to the strip club... and my boy Steveo falls IN LOVE. One of those nuddie girls just caught his eye and he got that tunnel vision. The other tits might as well have not even been there. This bitch took him upstairs and going by what he told us, she was noodling with his peter, he got to feel her up and suck some nip, and she pretty much dryhumped him to what I'm sure was a premature finish. Needless to say, we were all sworn to secrecy for fear that big bad Mrs. Steveo would find out. Luckily, no one reads this blog.

• This is gonna be the last story I write out for you guys. Alot of other shit happened, but I don't think too much more of it is interesting enough to post about. And to be honest, this is easily my favorite story of the whole trip. The scene: it's the last day before our flight home (at 6am), and we're all back at O'Shea's drinking. We got there about noon, and around 4 we walk back to MGM to watch some sports that Steveo and the Mc bet on. After an hour or two, me and Dennis decide to go back to O'Shea's because we have no action on the day and we wanted more tequila shots. (I fucking love that they salt the rim and drop a lime wedge in. Call me a fag, I don't care.) So we're drinking, taking shots and I'm kicking his ass in pool until around 9 or 10. At that point, we (apparently) stumble back to the hotel and I (apparently) wander around our floor in my underwear for a while. When my conscience comes back around midnight, I'm ready to drink. I don't wanna waste our last night there being a pussy. So I go downstairs, grab a brew and a shot, and head out on the Strip looking for something going on. Just my luck, I run into a couple of drunk broads wandering too. After talking to them for a minute, they invite me to some club they were going to. I have no idea where we went - we could have been in NY, NY at the Coyote Ugly or in the Grand at Studio 54, I don't have a fucking clue. We're dancing, drinking, flirting, fucking having a good time. Around 2:30, the bitch finally tells me she lives in Vegas and has an apartment right around the corner. My natural reaction is to say, "This place is getting kind of lame. Why don't we go to your place for a drink?" She agrees, and the three (or four?) of us grab a cab and head over. We have a couple beers, and she says she's starting to get tired. Her friends have all kind of wandered off to do their own thing, so I pounce like one of those lions after a rope of meat. After some tongue action and a ton of heavy petting, I've got the skirt at her ankles and the thong pushed to the side. I'm coming in from behind, she's bent over top her bed. Then we move to my all time favorite posish - she's sitting on the counter in her bathroom, back against the mirror, and I'm standing in front of her going at it fucking hard. It was glorious. We end up back on the bed (normal missionary, with my arms around her knees, her ankles at her ears), and after awhile I'm about to shoot off, so I take off the rubber and tug it out onto her tits. We say our goodbyes, I grab a road beer, light up a smoke, and after a quick cabride back it's about 4. That means 15 minutes of sleep before my alarm goes off. What fun. But hey, I'm no prick. I'm not about to complain about getting some tight Vegas vag. Anyway, that about wraps up the fun. Hope you enjoyed reading all about our fun in the brightest city in the world. Now start planning your own trip!