Phelps and Cynics

First of all, I'm going to go ahead and start typing Occasional Joo again because I just realized that if we start abbreviating our names then I become BJ. Due to the possibility that I woud be known as an oral pleasure, I will allow the Occasional Joo to have his full name back (He still has aids though).

Anyways as you may have heard, the ladies are back from Vegas and still party like a bunch of high school kids, but I guess some people just never learn. However, during their self-proclaimed vacation of debauchery I hope that they were able to catch some stories about how global domination is in the hands of one American. That man is Michael Phelps.

(Something for the Joo to beat it to)

Okay, I know that no one really gives a shit about swimming, but this level of domination has been absolutely unheard of. At the World Championships in Melbourne this past week, Phelps swam seven events and he didn't just win gold in all of them but set world records in five of them. His closest competition the entire week was from Americans Ryan Lochte in the IM events and Ian Crocker in the butterfly events. Crocker, the current world record holder in the 100 fly, was caught by Phelps on the finish and was noticably upset with the result. I personally feel as though Crocker is a more bitter version of Scottie Pippen to Phelps' Michael Jordan. On the next day of competition, Phelps had the opportunity to win an unprecedented eighth gold medal and attempt to set his 6th world record had the U.S. not been disqualified for a false start in the preliminaries of the 400 Medley Relay. The name of the swimmer who false started? You guessed it, Ian Crocker. This is where the controversy begins.

Phelps had the chance to make history, he would have taken Crocker's spot in the butterfly leg of the Medley Relay in the finals, but Crocker dq's in prelims? It may just be me but maybe there is something to the thought of Crocker being upset about the fact that Phelps has stolen all of his thunder, has become the golden boy of swimming and is starting to dominate him in his best event. Maybe Crocker is tired of hearing about the possibility of Michael Phelps breaking Mark Spitz's record for Gold Medals won during a single Olympics. Maybe this was a warning of whats going to happen in Beijing if he beats him in the 100 fly there. Hell, maybe Crocker was just jealous that Phelps is getting as much hot female swimmer Amanda Beard quality ass as he possibly can get while Crocker gets stuck with the left over swim chicks who bench more than Brady Quinn and have beards. Or maybe, he just made a little mistake.

(This is why Ian Crocker hates Michael Phelps)

The fact is that Crocker jumped the gun only .04 seconds before Scott Usher touched in breaststroke. Now, I know that I could not make myself false start by only .04 seconds, then again I dont practice for 5 hours everyday. I also know that in relays swimmers are supposed to push their starts to the point of false starting without actually leaving before the touch, so it may just be a case of bad timing. Then again maybe Crocker just decided to start a little bit earlier this time.

Now, if anyone who has read this actually believes that Crocker may have false started on purpose, I would like to say you are an ignorant asshole and a gullible bastard. Of course Ian Crocker is a little bitter about losing the 100 Fly, he is the world record holder and was ahead of everyone the entire race until he was caught by due to a bad finish. Was his bitterness directed at Phelps, absolutely not, remember Phelps gave up his spot in the 400 Medley Relay to Crocker at the Athens Olympics so that Crocker could receive a gold medal as well. On top of that, the U.S. was the top seed heading into the relay this past weekend and were virtually assured of a gold medal. Tell me, would you false start and give up a gold medal just so you could prevent someone else from winning one?

This just proves that the world is full of cynical assholes who want to put controversy in place of mistakes and overshadow greatness with accusations of cheating. I'm sure someone has thought that Phelps has to be on (insert illegal supplement here), or has thought that he has an unfair advantage in one way or another. To those people I would like to issue a giant Fuck You, you dont even like sports so stop acting like you do. If you can not accept the fact that someone can achieve a great feat without being a negative asshole then stop watching sports because you are not a fan. Here at THHY we are fans, the Gus Johnson to your Billy Packer.

Now I'm going to end this by switching to hoops for a little bit. I hope you get a chance to enjoy witnessing greatness on Monday when Florida faces Ohio State for the NCAA Championship. We will see either a giant, Greg Oden, win a championship or see the Florida Gators repeat as National Championships. But you probably think that all basketball players are on steroids anyways.