And Down Goes Young...

Could there have been worse news? I say nay. Vincent Paul Young, Jr. will be the next great athlete to grace the cover of Madden Football. While he will look great on it, and will no doubt be impossible to stop in the game, his what-once-seemed inevitable rise to the ranks of the greatest quarterbacks ever to play the game is now seriously in question. While his impending injury should technically only end this coming season, what if he ends up ripping everything that connects his femur to his tibia like Daunte Culpepper did? He may never be the same again. This is a very black day for sports fans everywhere. The most electrifying man in sports today is on a runaway freight train headed towards the land of washed-up quarterbacks.

Let's take a very quick look at the highlights of previous curses:

1. Garrison Hearst (1999) - Broken ankle, out until 2001.
2. Eddie George (2001) - Somewhat of an anomaly, his curse started the year after he appeared, as he never averaged more than 3.4 yards a carry the rest of his career.
3. Duante Culpepper (2002) - Worse statistics than the year before he appeared, became completely useless as an NFL QB after 2005 injury.
4. Marshall Faulk (2003) - Ankle injury, never reached 1,000 yards again.
5. Michael Vick (2004) - Broken leg in preseason, didn't return until Falcons were already eliminated from playoff contention.
6. Ray Lewis (2005) - No interceptions, team went from division winners to missing playoffs, Lewis suffered broken wrist in last game. In 2005, Lewis suffered season ending injury in week 6.
7. Donovan McNabb (2006) - The most painful of them all. After going to the Super Bowl, McNabb gets a sports hernia in week 1. Plays through injury until week 10, when a blatant cheap shot by Roy Williams finally ends his season. Suffers season ending ligament tear against Titans in 2006.
8. Shaun Alexander (2007) - Reigning NFL MVP misses his first game in his seven year career after injuring his foot in week 1 and shutting it down for six weeks after the third game.

That's eight of the last nine years, and seven straight that a Madden cover athlete has had some form of detrimental incident set them back in their careers. Now, I don't believe in superstitions or karma or any of that tribal head shrinking bullshit, but that is a fucking scary history to look at. I mean, just look at the data for a minute! The only cover athlete EVER on Madden that isn't on this list is Barry Sanders, who retired before training camp the same year he was on the cover. So, he probably would have gotten mutilated that year and never walked again. I guess that was a smart move after all. I need to mention, however, that I left Dorsey Levens off, because he appeared the same year as Sanders - but only in Europe and other shitty inferior countries over there. He did, however, only gain 224 yards that year, then bounce around the league without ever again making an impact. So, without further ado, I present to you the odds on Vince Young's forthcoming calamity.

HIV acquired from mother of upcoming bastard child becomes full blown super AIDS - 250-1

Crazed hippie from 'Madden Nation' stabs Young after VY tells him he doesn't love him - 200-1


Broken leg suffered when Lendale White loses footing at buffet table and rolls across room overtop of Young's leg - 100 - 1
Hernia from holding all of Tennessee on his shoulders, Atlas style - 75 - 1

Sliced ankle tendon courtesy of a jilted and envious Matt Leinart - 50 - 1

Stray bullet wound from a night out on the town with good buddy Adam - 35 - 1

Damaged retina when Madden box thrown by fan for Young to sign strikes his eye - 20 - 1

Jacknifed at mid-field by Joey Porter, shattered vertebrae - 8 - 1

Broken collarbone, arm and ribs after being blindsided by a drunken, bored Chris Henry in week six - 3 - 1

Shot to death by Tank Johnson after accidentally "scuffing his kicks" - 3 - 2

Leave your own ideas in the comments.

UPDATE: I made a stupid ass mistake. Roy Williams picked McNabb on his last play of the season, it was Bradie James that laid down the cheap shot.

I am so money baby. In 12 hours, I'll be on a plane to Vegas. For a week. With Shawn Mc and two of our friends. Who are both insane and will probably get us all killed. Hopefully I'll run into Joey Porter playing blackjack and take his 10 card - I could use a piece of that $20 mil guaranteed after he powerbombs me through the table. So neither of us will be posting until next weekend (and yeah I know that Shawn Mc hasn't posted yet - we're gonna put him in a sharpshooter if he doesn't soon). We'll have a huge recap of everything that happened. Until then, my colleague Black Jesus has some big things planned as he runs this place by himself for a week (God help us all), so check back for more of his socially-conscious, introspective, and thought-provoking pieces until we get back.

As a quick aside, I love the new firefox. Halfway through writing this, my power went out and I cursed up a storm thinking I lost all of it. Well when I restarted and opened firefox to start over, it told me that it would recover my last session, and there I was staring at everything I had just typed, as well as the four or five other tabs I had open. That's fucking incredible and it might have saved an innocent man's life.

OK, back to the real point of the post. I clearly don't know anything as A & M lost to Memphis last night. Fucking MEMPHIS?!?! Someone tell me who the fuck Memphis is. Unfortunately, I think Florida is gonna roll tonight and Vandy might play G'Town close, but lose in the end. Of course that probably means Florida will get blown out, and Vandy won't even show up, but whatever. You're not better than me. I've heard a lot of USC upset talk, but I don't buy it. Hansbrough and Wright are just too much inside, even with Reyshawn Terry's strep throat. And really, what the fuck is up with that name? Could his parents not decide between Ray and Shawn and just decide to combine them? Seriously, I know people's names are getting more and more retarded all the time, but it's getting old. Give your kid a real name - shoving two different names together is not fucking creative.

I wanted to say more, but I can't even think straight knowing that I'll be in Vegas in less than a day. The debauchery is already clouding my brain. The little bunnies are just sitting there waiting, afraid, timid. And I'm a big fucking bear with big fucking claws and teeth. Its gonna be a loooong week.