And Down Goes Young...

Could there have been worse news? I say nay. Vincent Paul Young, Jr. will be the next great athlete to grace the cover of Madden Football. While he will look great on it, and will no doubt be impossible to stop in the game, his what-once-seemed inevitable rise to the ranks of the greatest quarterbacks ever to play the game is now seriously in question. While his impending injury should technically only end this coming season, what if he ends up ripping everything that connects his femur to his tibia like Daunte Culpepper did? He may never be the same again. This is a very black day for sports fans everywhere. The most electrifying man in sports today is on a runaway freight train headed towards the land of washed-up quarterbacks.

Let's take a very quick look at the highlights of previous curses:

1. Garrison Hearst (1999) - Broken ankle, out until 2001.
2. Eddie George (2001) - Somewhat of an anomaly, his curse started the year after he appeared, as he never averaged more than 3.4 yards a carry the rest of his career.
3. Duante Culpepper (2002) - Worse statistics than the year before he appeared, became completely useless as an NFL QB after 2005 injury.
4. Marshall Faulk (2003) - Ankle injury, never reached 1,000 yards again.
5. Michael Vick (2004) - Broken leg in preseason, didn't return until Falcons were already eliminated from playoff contention.
6. Ray Lewis (2005) - No interceptions, team went from division winners to missing playoffs, Lewis suffered broken wrist in last game. In 2005, Lewis suffered season ending injury in week 6.
7. Donovan McNabb (2006) - The most painful of them all. After going to the Super Bowl, McNabb gets a sports hernia in week 1. Plays through injury until week 10, when a blatant cheap shot by Roy Williams finally ends his season. Suffers season ending ligament tear against Titans in 2006.
8. Shaun Alexander (2007) - Reigning NFL MVP misses his first game in his seven year career after injuring his foot in week 1 and shutting it down for six weeks after the third game.

That's eight of the last nine years, and seven straight that a Madden cover athlete has had some form of detrimental incident set them back in their careers. Now, I don't believe in superstitions or karma or any of that tribal head shrinking bullshit, but that is a fucking scary history to look at. I mean, just look at the data for a minute! The only cover athlete EVER on Madden that isn't on this list is Barry Sanders, who retired before training camp the same year he was on the cover. So, he probably would have gotten mutilated that year and never walked again. I guess that was a smart move after all. I need to mention, however, that I left Dorsey Levens off, because he appeared the same year as Sanders - but only in Europe and other shitty inferior countries over there. He did, however, only gain 224 yards that year, then bounce around the league without ever again making an impact. So, without further ado, I present to you the odds on Vince Young's forthcoming calamity.

HIV acquired from mother of upcoming bastard child becomes full blown super AIDS - 250-1

Crazed hippie from 'Madden Nation' stabs Young after VY tells him he doesn't love him - 200-1


Broken leg suffered when Lendale White loses footing at buffet table and rolls across room overtop of Young's leg - 100 - 1
Hernia from holding all of Tennessee on his shoulders, Atlas style - 75 - 1

Sliced ankle tendon courtesy of a jilted and envious Matt Leinart - 50 - 1

Stray bullet wound from a night out on the town with good buddy Adam - 35 - 1

Damaged retina when Madden box thrown by fan for Young to sign strikes his eye - 20 - 1

Jacknifed at mid-field by Joey Porter, shattered vertebrae - 8 - 1

Broken collarbone, arm and ribs after being blindsided by a drunken, bored Chris Henry in week six - 3 - 1

Shot to death by Tank Johnson after accidentally "scuffing his kicks" - 3 - 2

Leave your own ideas in the comments.

UPDATE: I made a stupid ass mistake. Roy Williams picked McNabb on his last play of the season, it was Bradie James that laid down the cheap shot.

Phelps and Cynics

First of all, I'm going to go ahead and start typing Occasional Joo again because I just realized that if we start abbreviating our names then I become BJ. Due to the possibility that I woud be known as an oral pleasure, I will allow the Occasional Joo to have his full name back (He still has aids though).

Anyways as you may have heard, the ladies are back from Vegas and still party like a bunch of high school kids, but I guess some people just never learn. However, during their self-proclaimed vacation of debauchery I hope that they were able to catch some stories about how global domination is in the hands of one American. That man is Michael Phelps.

(Something for the Joo to beat it to)

Okay, I know that no one really gives a shit about swimming, but this level of domination has been absolutely unheard of. At the World Championships in Melbourne this past week, Phelps swam seven events and he didn't just win gold in all of them but set world records in five of them. His closest competition the entire week was from Americans Ryan Lochte in the IM events and Ian Crocker in the butterfly events. Crocker, the current world record holder in the 100 fly, was caught by Phelps on the finish and was noticably upset with the result. I personally feel as though Crocker is a more bitter version of Scottie Pippen to Phelps' Michael Jordan. On the next day of competition, Phelps had the opportunity to win an unprecedented eighth gold medal and attempt to set his 6th world record had the U.S. not been disqualified for a false start in the preliminaries of the 400 Medley Relay. The name of the swimmer who false started? You guessed it, Ian Crocker. This is where the controversy begins.

Phelps had the chance to make history, he would have taken Crocker's spot in the butterfly leg of the Medley Relay in the finals, but Crocker dq's in prelims? It may just be me but maybe there is something to the thought of Crocker being upset about the fact that Phelps has stolen all of his thunder, has become the golden boy of swimming and is starting to dominate him in his best event. Maybe Crocker is tired of hearing about the possibility of Michael Phelps breaking Mark Spitz's record for Gold Medals won during a single Olympics. Maybe this was a warning of whats going to happen in Beijing if he beats him in the 100 fly there. Hell, maybe Crocker was just jealous that Phelps is getting as much hot female swimmer Amanda Beard quality ass as he possibly can get while Crocker gets stuck with the left over swim chicks who bench more than Brady Quinn and have beards. Or maybe, he just made a little mistake.

(This is why Ian Crocker hates Michael Phelps)

The fact is that Crocker jumped the gun only .04 seconds before Scott Usher touched in breaststroke. Now, I know that I could not make myself false start by only .04 seconds, then again I dont practice for 5 hours everyday. I also know that in relays swimmers are supposed to push their starts to the point of false starting without actually leaving before the touch, so it may just be a case of bad timing. Then again maybe Crocker just decided to start a little bit earlier this time.

Now, if anyone who has read this actually believes that Crocker may have false started on purpose, I would like to say you are an ignorant asshole and a gullible bastard. Of course Ian Crocker is a little bitter about losing the 100 Fly, he is the world record holder and was ahead of everyone the entire race until he was caught by due to a bad finish. Was his bitterness directed at Phelps, absolutely not, remember Phelps gave up his spot in the 400 Medley Relay to Crocker at the Athens Olympics so that Crocker could receive a gold medal as well. On top of that, the U.S. was the top seed heading into the relay this past weekend and were virtually assured of a gold medal. Tell me, would you false start and give up a gold medal just so you could prevent someone else from winning one?

This just proves that the world is full of cynical assholes who want to put controversy in place of mistakes and overshadow greatness with accusations of cheating. I'm sure someone has thought that Phelps has to be on (insert illegal supplement here), or has thought that he has an unfair advantage in one way or another. To those people I would like to issue a giant Fuck You, you dont even like sports so stop acting like you do. If you can not accept the fact that someone can achieve a great feat without being a negative asshole then stop watching sports because you are not a fan. Here at THHY we are fans, the Gus Johnson to your Billy Packer.

Now I'm going to end this by switching to hoops for a little bit. I hope you get a chance to enjoy witnessing greatness on Monday when Florida faces Ohio State for the NCAA Championship. We will see either a giant, Greg Oden, win a championship or see the Florida Gators repeat as National Championships. But you probably think that all basketball players are on steroids anyways.

Why I Love Steroids

So I decided that I might try to post something a little more grammatically correct since my BAC has finally dropped down below the legal limit. Now in this new found state of sobriety, I am saddened to hear that steroids have tainted the one sport which I firmly believed they would not be able to affect. That is the wonderful world of professional wrestling, the WWE.

Thats right, STEROIDS is prevalent in professional wrestling.

Okay so maybe no one is actually surprised by this, but isn't wrestling fake? Does taking steroids boost your chances of winning a rigged fight? No wonder these guys are professional wrestlers. I mean how many steel chairs, bats, ladders (0r park and ride signs) to the head does it take for someone to believe that taking steroids will boost your chances of winning a match that you and your opponent/dancing partner have rehearsed numerous times.

This has earned all of them a call-out. I'm calling out Kurt Angle, Rey Mysterio (Oscar Guttierez he is not), Randy Orton, Edge, Shane Helms and the deceased Eddie Guererro. You are all a bunch of retards, congratulations on attempting to cheat in a sport where performance enhancers dont help you. I now consider all of you part of the John Amaechi fan club you big group of gays, go practice your routine with your dancing partner then go ahead and share the needles you inject into each others butts. I sincerely hope you enjoy aids and your new man boobs. LONG LIVE SHAWN MICHAELS.

Why do I always sound angry? Because people are stupid.